Silly Commercials, Gundamized
by Chloe Peacecraft
Summary: A quickie-ficcer-picker-upper for all fans of the GW boys and gals. Rating is due to some... ahem... colourful, but still pretty tame language.


Silly Commercials

**Silly Commercials, Gundamized**

_Author's Note: For Pete's sake, people, how many times do I have to go through this? I do not own them, no sirree Bob, I do not. Now quit rubbing it in, will ya? Good. On with the fic, then...  
_  
************  
We see a half-closed door, that looks like it could be leading into a bedroom. From behind it, somebody coughs repeatedly. Then...  
  
"Hildeeeeeee.... Cough, cough...man, this bites. Babyyyyyyyyyy!!!"  
  
Camera pans to the stairs, where a semi-exasperated Hilde is walking up, carrying a tray with fresh-squeezed orange juice, a bowl of chicken-noodle soup, and a bottle of cough syrup. She skillfully pushes the door ajar with her foot, while managing not to topple the tray, and walks in, only to reveal the unflappable Shinigami himself. His long hair is unbraided and in complete disarray as he channel-surfs in bed. On top of the rumpled Star Wars-themed quilt, we see a box of Kleenex. Upon seeing Hilde, Duo looks up, gives her a faint smile, then whines,  
  
"Awwwww, dude, I feel like crap..."

  
************  
Scene switches to another bedroom. This one looks awfully pink to belong to the disgruntled Gundam pilot sitting in the middle of the big, ruffle-covered bed. Heero Yuy, oddly enough wearing pink-and-lavender flannel pajamas, sits cross-armed, his mouth clamped shut as he proceeds to scowl and unleash his patented Yuy Death Glare at the sandy-blonde girl in his presence.  
  
"Come on, Heero... I promise it'll make you feel better if you take it," Relena pleads as she pours cough syrup into a spoon.  
"Nuh-uh. No way."  
"Heero... please pretty please with a cherry on top..."

  
************  
Scene switches to another apartment, this one with a grown-up, Asian-New-Age sort of feel to it.  
  
"ONNA!!! LET GO OF ME! HAVE YOU NO HONOUR?"   
  
"Well, sorry, Wufei, but if you stopped squirming in the first place, and took your medicine without whining, I wouldn't need to give you an injection,"   
Sally explains matter-of-factly to the fuming black-haired Gundam pilot. He, for his part, continues to scream bloody murder as his Preventer partner pins him face down on the bed with her own weight, and plants the needle into his left buttock.  
  
"YOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!"

  
************  
Scene switches, by contrast, to Quatre Winner's mansion, where classical music can be heard playing softly in the background. Camera moves to give an aerial view of the blonde pilot's sumptuous bedroom, his peaceful figure sleeping soundly amidst the satin-covered pillows and quilts bearing the Winner crest.  
The door opens quietly, and none other than Dorothy Catalonia tiptoes inside, a blue jar hidden inside her hand. She leans down to whisper something that wakes up the young pilot.  
  
"Oh, sleepy-head... Time for your Vicks VapoRub..."

  
************  
Scene switches abruptly to a closeup of Trowa Barton slurping Berry Blue Jello from a spoon. He stops for a second, gives a satisfied smile, then digs the spoon back into the gelatinous substance.   
He shakes the spoon about, watching mesmerized as the blue glob wobbles to and fro, but does not fall. Then he proceeds to put the spoon to his lips, and noisily slurp it in.  
  
"Ahhhh... nice and cool,"   
he mutters to himself, his voice hoarse from the sore throat, as he sits back against the fluffed-up pillows in his otherwise Spartan-looking bedroom.  
  
From the trailer's small kitchen, a tired-looking Catherine is hand-squeezing the gazillionth orange, then angrily tossing the empty peels into the garbage can, just when a holler is heard coming from the other end of the trailer.  
  
"Cathyyyyyy... can you make Wiggly Watermelon next?"  
  
Catherine growls under her breath as she rummages in her brother's messy pantry in search of the tiny Jello package. While she's at it, she gives a stir to the chicken-veggie soup simmering away on the stovetop.  
  
"Cathyyyy... I'm out of orange juuuuuice," the same raucous voice hollers again.  
  
Catherine fumes in exasperation, just as a blonde girl enters the trailer, carrying two bags full of groceries.  
"I can take it from here, Cathy," Midii Une encourages, giving the auburn-haired girl a pat on the back.  
  
"Cathyyyyyyyy... cough, cough... I'm thirs...cough, cough, tyyyyyyyy..."  
  
"Are you sure you want the aggravation?" Catherine inquires skeptically.   
"No worries," Midii smiles, "you look like you need a break."

  
************  
"Cough, cough.... Ohhhhh... my head..." 

The camera zooms in to reveal a miserable-looking Treize, clad in silk pajamas under a mass of embroidered bedspreads and quilts. Setting down his book, Lord Byron's collected poems, he stares at the frescoed ceiling, wondering why the authoress was so sadistic as to bring him back from the dead, only to put him in such misery.  
  
The door opens, and Mariemaia enters, followed by Lady Une in her peaceful Ann persona. Treize turns to look at them, then, with ragged breath and a most melodramatic expression, he sighs,  
  
"Ah... my dearest Ann... Maia, my sweet little rosebud... I thought I would never see you again... cough, cough... Come closer, let me look at you both..."  
  
Mariemaia sets down the cough syrup onto the bedside table, then whispers in Lady Une's ear,  
  
"Mom... what's wrong with daddy?"  
"Oh, you know," Ann replies quite stoically, "same thing you had last week, dear."  
"You mean, when I got to stay home from school and watch cartoons all day, and you made me lots of cranberry tea with honey?"  
"Precisely. Only, daddy gets it a gazillion times worse."

  
************  
**Voice-over: Sure you piloted a Mobile Suit through a war... But at any rate, there's only one truth about coughs and colds: the bigger the pilot, the bigger the baby.**

************  
Mars Terraforming base.   
Milliardo Peacecraft, quite engrossed in an old rerun of Scooby-Doo, sniffles into a Kleenex, slurps herbal tea from a mug, then sets it back down on the bedside table. He grimaces a bit at the strong eucalyptus taste, then kicks the covers around a bit, all the while grumbling under his breath,  
  
"This sucks... I cad't breathe through by doze..."  
  
The theme song from Scooby-Doo kicks in, to announce the end of the episode. Zechs/Milliardo sniffles into a new Kleenex (dropping the used one on the floor with its other brothers and sisters), then starts singing along to his own goofy version,  
  
"Lucy-Lucy-Lu where are you? We got some work to do... Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo doo doo doo..."  
  
In the kitchen, an equally feverish Lucrezia Noin is out and about, still quite determined to make it in to work. She downs a couple of DayQuils, slams two grapefruit halves on a tray for Zechs, along with the cough syrup which she knows she's going to have to literally force down his throat, then in the same split second, catches the Eggo waffle as it is ejected from the toaster.  
  
"Figures I'd get stuck with the tallest one," she grumbles to herself as she brings her fiancé breakfast in bed, "I swear if he calls me Lulu one more time I'll..."  
  
"Luluuuuu... I'm cold in heeeere... A-choo! *sniffle, cough* Come keep me waaaaarm..."  
  
"Aw, hell... Man, if I catch the idiot who brought the flu bug to Mars... Aaa-choo! Gundamit..."

************  
**Voice-Over #2 **(sounding suspiciously like Sally)**: Just a friendly reminder that you are 1567 times more likely to be killed by a frustrated family member than you are by the flu bug. Nonetheless, the vaccine is out there. Use it.  
  
A public service announcement from the Sanq Ministry of Health.**


End file.
